2017 is a wrap! What a year it has been. This blog is going to be short and sweet compared to other posts. I just want to take a quick moment to review this past year, highlight some key things that I’m really happy I achieved.
Word Press
Blogging
Since the fall of 2016, I started using Word Press again, mostly for school assignments. Once the school year term ended in April 2017, I still continued to use the platform to share my thoughts on all things digital. It has allowed me to publish content and to build up my writing portfolio in the process. Employers can also easily search through the archives to see what my writing style is like and what I can bring to the table.
Honestly, I hadn’t touched Word Press since late summer 2012, so to be able to do this and get reacquainted with this platform was fun. I will only be using this site to publish my thoughts on a monthly basis. The reality is that I’m busy and pre-occupied with work and life. And besides this domain, there’s other social media channels I am on regularly where you can find me as well!
December 2017: 💪🏻 Kris Kringle friends party
Back to the gym
When you have a celebrity as big as The Rock preaching that exercise is his daily anchor, I totally get it. For me it is too. I don’t boast about it and publish my progress on social media, I just do it. People tend to comment how I post a lot of foodie pics, yet I am in great shape. The reality is, the work is being put in – I choose not to broadcast it. The gym is sacred ground, it’s like a church to me. Treat it with respect and you will see the results.
When school finished in the spring, you would think that more time would open up for me to get back into the gym. I fell into a bad gym funk. It actually made it harder for me to get back into the groove of things. I even switched gyms in the summer and was not able to motivate myself like I used to. I regularly keep a gym journal on how many times I go to the gym. From May to September, I only swiped my gym key 41 times. That is embarrassing, considering there were 163 total days in that five-month span. For me, enough was enough…it was time for a change. There were three months remaining in the calendar year and I was not going to wait till the new year to get my butt in gear. A light bulb switch in my head went off. I am proud to say that I regained my consistency in the fall. I just refocused and rededicated myself. For the final 92 days of 2017, I went to the gym or did some sort of physical activity 76 times. I went to the gym on average of five days a week. This is no easy task given how busy one person’s work schedule can get. There was one week where I was sick as a dog and I still went five times pushing through.
Going to the gym is a personal challenge of mind over matter. To be healthy, you must incorporate fitness into your lifestyle. But to build a lifestyle, you must build consistency. Those two keywords are synonymous with one another. To many, doing any sort of physical activity is considered torture. The true testament is to ensure your mindset overrules any physical limitation you are feeling. Once you can change the way you think, you will not dread working out.
July 2017: Seneca College alumni at the Graduate Certificate Information Session
Going back to school
The decision to go back to school has been highly documented in a previous post on this website. But for me, it was my most favourite and personal post to publish. To add some other insight that I didn’t include in that write up, procrastination was a major factor in such a long layoff on not returning to upgrade my education. In fact, in the summer of 2014, I almost contemplated towards a career as a realtor. I started to read a few chapters of the books my mom had and I eventually concluded this was not the path I wanted to take. I’ve always been a firm believer that patience is a virtue and that good things come to those who wait. I simply cannot be rushed into something. And if you don’t have that gut instinct that this is what’s best for you, don’t second guess yourself.
Attending school while working full time and graduating with honours was a great accomplishment. What I am most proud of the most, was that my whole family was able to come to my convocation – including my dad, who missed my 2004 graduation at York University because he had to work. You are forgiven Dad! Xoxo.
December 31, 2017: NYE ’18
Outro
These are three highlights that I wanted to mention as this year comes to a close. All of them are somewhat tied to digital, but more on a personal level for me. Blogging was something I had done for five years straight…only to take a five-year break as well. Going back to the gym was inspired from visuals I saw on Instagram and helped me refocus in that area. And getting a post graduate certificate in social media was the icing on the cake for me. Having that said, I just want to take this time to wish everyone a happy new year, wishing you all the best for 2018!
Illustration by Oliver Munday; source photograph by Raymond Hall / GC Images via Getty
In the wake of this past fall’s blockbuster story about movie executive Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assault/harassment history, a delicate issue has been given a large spotlight. It is a sensitive subject where recounting and expressing horrendous firsthand experiences are an extremely painful memory. This day in age in social media where we are looking to post the best angle of our selves, the best destination we’ve traveled to or what our favourite foods are, all took a back seat when this became a major news story. Here are three things we have learned from all of this.
Social media helped create an open dialogue on sexual assault
What was once a taboo subject to talk about it, was now put on an international scope with millions of people chiming in on this topic. The October 5th article written by the New York Post and the October 10th investigation piece by the New Yorker helped bring attention to one individual but in essence, triggered a much larger effect. It helped establish communication among society through multiple social media platforms. A subject matter as delicate as this where people were afraid to come forward, opened a gateway for those to feel safe and not embarrassed to share their experiences. As of this writing, 34 men from various public industries have seen their careers affected, majority by termination.
If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/k2oeCiUf9n
Some people who might have not use the micro blogging site anymore like they used to, as other social media apps occupy their interests. But in this case, the subject matter of sexual assault/harassment was most detailed in 140 characters at the time. It was the perfect platform for other users to read detailed accounts of others while a community engaged and exchanged support for one another. Actress Alyssa Milano can be credited for her October 15thtweet that opened up the floodgates for millions to interact and discuss this subject matter. For that entire week, 96.9% of the #MeToo hashtag trend came from Twitter. With the recent increase to 280 characters, Twitter has demonstrated that their platform still has value and people still use the platform to share whatever is on their mind.
Social Media reaction to #MeToo
Sexual assault/harassment is never acceptable
We have seen a large group of brave women, no longer in silence recount and continue to share their horrific stories. It takes a lot of courage for them to find the inner strength and share private details that are emotionally scarring. In addition, even a few men have stepped up and shared their stories that have affected them for years. It is a painful reminder that under no circumstance, should a woman’s safety, well being and emotional state ever be violated in or out of the workplace. Regardless if you are a famous public figure, an entertainer, athlete, politician or even a regular Joe Schmo, everyone should be treated equally with respect.
The Aftermath
Thanks to social media, the subject matter of sexual assault/harassment was bright to light on a large scale in 2017. How this news story broke out and caught steam among the masses could greatly be attributed to social media. Was it a slow news week? Or was is just about time for this topic to no longer be considered taboo and given some serious thought? Regardless, what came out of this was an overdue discussion on this sensitive issue. People’s voices were heard, people’s personal guilt came forward and public shaming became more prevalent. Ultimately, this could be just the beginning of other potential issues in the world that could spark international interest, stay tuned.
Today’s post focuses on social media’s largest platform online…you guessed it, yup Facebook. I joined the social network just before 2007 began and over the years I’ve learned how to use it to promote various things, highlight events and much more. In the past few years, I have used FB less as other social hubs like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and YouTube occupy my time. I have also come to terms that over the years, a lot has changed for me personally and professionally.
The same can be said for my friends list on there. You will have your loyal regular set of friends that you engage with…and then there are the friends who you barely keep in touch with, yet they still appear on your news feed. This past June just before I published my Graduation blog post, I did a Facebook cleanse and I strongly advise you do the same.
Reasons behind the cleanse
Let’s face it, people see and creep your activities online, yet they will never make an effort to pick up the phone or catch up with you in person. And then there are some who just don’t even use Facebook anymore and have moved on to other social networks that they use regularly or even better…have left social media completely. Aside from getting rid of a Facebook friend if you dated them and it didn’t work out, I’d like to highlight some of the main reasons why I did my cleanse.
You added them through a mutual acquaintance
I don’t know about you, but when I signed up to Facebook and heard that there was a 5,000 friends add limit, the 10 years younger Wayne Lapasa went out of his way to achieve that number somehow. It became a game and an obsession. Not fully understanding or utilizing Facebook properly at the time, I was adding people I had never met in real life, just for the sake of increasing my friends list number. Maybe the younger me thought that when people saw how high my friends list was, my coolness factor or online reputation would position me as “connected.” But here’s the truth, it’s a useless vanity metric. There is no point in adding people you that don’t know because A) they don’t really care about you and B) you don’t really care about them.
In a past life, I worked in the nightlife industry and I added just about every type of person you could think of. I’m talking DJ’s, MC’s, club promoters, club hostesses, security guards etc. In retrospect, it was a great way to network and legit stay connected, but here’s the thing. The shelf life in this industry is maybe five years, then the next batch of younger people take over and start to run the scene. So what happens to my FB connects from my nightlife era? Only a select few are still in the industry while the others are working in another profession, got married, have kids or moved out of the area. Long story short, people have drifted and lost contact. You start to realize that those connections you added over the years weren’t real friends, but just people you made money with. But once that environment is gone and there is no genuine friendship beyond that, it’s time to get your Facebook cleanse on.
People don’t greet you on your birthday
Every morning, FB sends you a notification about someone’s birthday from your friends list. They have created a shortcut for you to leave a greeting on their wall. You can’t miss it, it’s very visible. It is usually good etiquette to write a quick message and go on with your day. In my own birthday instance, 126 of 952 friends wished me a happy birthday, which was only 13% of my friends list. Guess what…none of the 126 friends were removed from my friends list but the other 826 were definitely under review lol!
Over the years I would make it an effort to send a HBD wall post even if I hadn’t kept in touch with that person, just for the sake of keeping the online friendship alive. Well guess what, about a year ago I made a spreadsheet and listed all the names of the people who took the time to reach out to me on my birthday, so that I could return the favour when it was their time.
If you’re reading this, I don’t want you to think I’m sour about not getting birthday attention from my friends list. But in essence, it goes back to the caliber and quality of your FB friend…are they really a friend? Do they really care about you? And do you really need them? If the answer is no, the Facebook cleanse is waiting for you.
You no longer work with that person as a colleague
There’s always a fine line when it comes to having your work colleagues as Facebook friends. Are you comfortable enough with them seeing your personal life on there when you work with them in a professional setting? Do you even want to see their own posts, do you really want to know more about them beyond the 9-5 grind? Or how about when you switch jobs because that last job sucked and you have no interest in being fake and keeping in touch with them? That’s where I once was. I was so happy to move on from one of my jobs, I was smiling my last week there because I knew I was leaving a toxic work culture, with fake people and politics worst than Donald Trump at the time.
You would think it would be a sad time to leave a job after a few years, establishing what you thought were real friends beyond the business. But you come to realize, that your bullshit radar was so high that you couldn’t be fooled. When you get to the point where you no longer want to pretend like everything was cool with a select few people, you must make that decision. They still have access to your Facebook activity and they are there just to creep and gossip behind your back. That right there is a clear sign to cut the cord on that contact. When it reaches that stage, it almost becomes mandatory to do the Facebook cleanse.
They never engage with your posts
So we have now established that you have creepers or trolls from your friends list watching your every move. Just to recap, over the years you might have added them and vice versa. I’m sure you know by now, once you click on the post button on Facebook, your photo/video/status message/web link is shared with your friends network. They see everything. But it can really be tricky to narrow down their reaction to the post. It’s no secret that the most reactive FB posts are milestone moments in time, such as finishing school, getting engaged, getting married and child birth.
Sure, you will have your regular set of commenters and likers who support whatever your posts are, but then you have your dark social friends. They are the ones who see the content, yet never dare to comment, like or engage. It is likely they have taken the conversation offline or screenshotted your content and converse through the DM or non traceable platforms. These are the troubling ones, because it goes back to the quality of the friend…are they a real one or are they fugazi? What gives? Are they too cool to say something? Do they dislike you that much but don’t pull the trigger on removing you as a friend because they lose access to snoop on your personal life? There are more factors involved but you can see where I am going with this. If you have a large group of people on your friends list who don’t engage with your posts, it’s a definite sign that the Facebook cleanse is necessary.
Final Thoughts
What I want people to take away from this blog post is that no, I am not a bitter person ranting about so called digital friends. Facebook will never define me…but instead I can tell the difference on what a true friend is and who’s just an acquaintance. I loved Facebook, because it was initially the first social network that reconnected you with old contacts, better than any other previous social site could do. If used properly, it is a communication tool that can reach the masses. But then you have others who just over broadcast their lives way too much. You’ve probably hit the ‘Unfollow’ button a few times in your Facebook lifetime, trust me I have.
Even millennials shy away from FB these days because their own parents have finally caved in and wanted to be a part of the Facebook conversation. With that comes a loss of privacy – even on a network like FB, the younger target audience will flock to another social media tool to maintain their level of secrecy from others viewing their activities…but that’s another blog post story in itself.
We all have our own trusted circle of friends, from family, school, work environments, extra curricular activities, etc. And then you have distant connections that have just simply lost touch with, moved on, had a disagreement/fight or really had no care in the first place to begin with. Part of my reasoning for doing the Facebook cleanse was because I didn’t want people on my Facebook list to know what I am currently up to. Five months removed from my FB cleanse, I feel great about it, no regrets. I weeded out contacts I no longer have interest for and am OK with not knowing what happens to them in the future. I am certain I have been on the tail end of cleanse removals by my own friends list, but that’s cool…to each their own.
10 years ago, being on Facebook was all about reaching and touching as many people as possible – even if you didn’t know them. Now a days, I barely use FB (but still use other social networks) and carefully choose what I share on there. I have grown and learned to not easily trust others. The same qualities in people you see online, do not necessarily translate into real life. People come into your life, take advantage of your generosity and feel entitled. But then you have others who are genuine, appreciative and grateful for your help, your time and simply, your friendship. Those are the type of friends I want to surround myself with. Thank you, Facebook cleanse.
